I had no ideas for tonight's post. I thought about it while I cooked dinner, but I came up blank. I thought about it while we walked the dog, but that didn't yield any great ideas, or even good ideas, either. So, I opened a file in my "writings" folder called "essay_ideas.docx." which, as the name suggests, is where I store vague ideas, loose thoughts, rough drafts, opening paragraphs, and so on that might be useful for future essays or blog posts. I came across this, which was obviously first written on March 1, 2012, the day after Leap Day
Statistically speaking, there was only a 25% chance of yesterday. 75% of the time, we would have gone directly from February 28 (this past Tuesday) to March 1 (today, Thursday). In most years, we would have been able to skip right over yesterday. For me anyway, yesterday was a fine day, and certainly not one I would have chosen to skip even if I'd had a chance.
But on further reflection, I don't think those are the days I'd skip. Losses are an inevitable part of life. Sad, yes, but in the end unavoidable.
I think the days that I would choose to jump over are those that I squandered.
That is where it stopped. I don't know what I was thinking about last spring, but this is how I finished the thought tonight.
There have been plenty of days that I'd like to skip, or better yet, re-live because I just wasted the time, neither working nor relaxing. I consider myself a pretty hard worker, but I don't consider relaxing a waste of time. I consider it essential to keeping the ideas flowing and the brain balanced. So, having fun and relaxing isn't a problem. What wastes time is letting it slip by, neither using it nor enjoying it. This is a common Saturday phenomenon for me and it drives me crazy. There are a million things I could do, and I do none of them. I am not exactly sure where the day goes, but zap! it's gone.
Then there are days I'd like to skip because I let squandered a lot of energy being "busy" without really getting anything done. This one is insidious and it is often difficult to tell when it is happening, because I feel like I am working and accomplishing things. I even feel important. In reality though, I am running in circles, much like my puppy in the backyard. Chasing my tail. Running after random squirrels. Trying to catch a butterfly. Wearing myself out and getting nowhere. There are times when this sort of random motion is necessary to identify a direction, but sometimes I let myself believe it is the direction itself. I suspect I am not alone.
There are days that I'd like to skip because I squandered good will or friendship. Those are the days when a simple act of kindness or a gentle word could have made all the difference, but apathy, indolence, or even worse, self-centered pride, got in the way and I squandered an opportunity to build a relationship or maintain a friendship. These are the days I most wish I could skip or re-live. The days where a little more effort from me might have significantly helped someone else.
The days that I wish I could skip are not the days where the inevitable disappointments of life arrived on my door. Those things are out of my control. The days that I would skip are the ones that could have been different if only I were paying attention and making the effort, the days when I could have made a difference, and simply failed.
I am grateful for today's rich experience of teaching at a middle school math camp in an inner city school. There were challenges, but there were joys. And most of all, there is enormous potential that should not be squandered!
Statistically speaking, there was only a 25% chance of yesterday. 75% of the time, we would have gone directly from February 28 (this past Tuesday) to March 1 (today, Thursday). In most years, we would have been able to skip right over yesterday. For me anyway, yesterday was a fine day, and certainly not one I would have chosen to skip even if I'd had a chance.
That got me thinking, which as many of you know, is a dangerous thing. And fortunately, fairly rare! But anyway, I asked myself what days I would skip if I could.
My first response was that I'd skip those awful days when really sad things happened. Here are a few: January 16, 1983, January 13, 1998, October 27, 2008, and February 23, 2009. Those were the days that Al and I lost, first, our fathers, then, our mothers. I could have done without May 6, 2010. That was the day of my major car accident. Those are the sorts of days that immediately spring to mind when I think about skipping a day, here or there.
But on further reflection, I don't think those are the days I'd skip. Losses are an inevitable part of life. Sad, yes, but in the end unavoidable.
I think the days that I would choose to jump over are those that I squandered.
That is where it stopped. I don't know what I was thinking about last spring, but this is how I finished the thought tonight.
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| A bit of advice from Ben Franklin, who had lots of it |
Then there are days I'd like to skip because I let squandered a lot of energy being "busy" without really getting anything done. This one is insidious and it is often difficult to tell when it is happening, because I feel like I am working and accomplishing things. I even feel important. In reality though, I am running in circles, much like my puppy in the backyard. Chasing my tail. Running after random squirrels. Trying to catch a butterfly. Wearing myself out and getting nowhere. There are times when this sort of random motion is necessary to identify a direction, but sometimes I let myself believe it is the direction itself. I suspect I am not alone.
There are days that I'd like to skip because I squandered good will or friendship. Those are the days when a simple act of kindness or a gentle word could have made all the difference, but apathy, indolence, or even worse, self-centered pride, got in the way and I squandered an opportunity to build a relationship or maintain a friendship. These are the days I most wish I could skip or re-live. The days where a little more effort from me might have significantly helped someone else.
The days that I wish I could skip are not the days where the inevitable disappointments of life arrived on my door. Those things are out of my control. The days that I would skip are the ones that could have been different if only I were paying attention and making the effort, the days when I could have made a difference, and simply failed.
I am grateful for today's rich experience of teaching at a middle school math camp in an inner city school. There were challenges, but there were joys. And most of all, there is enormous potential that should not be squandered!
Well said. Oh, so very well said.
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